Something that I've experienced during my church retreat is that I've been able to get filled up by God. Something that I've been struggling with for quite some time is being loving to every single person around me. There's periods of times where I can achieve it and I force myself to. But I've failed multiple times because I've just been relying on my own strength and my own love capacity. I've always depended on God for different things but as hard as I tried, somehow I just couldn't rely on him for this. I knew I had to be filled up myself first, but with all the distractions around me, I didn't put my focus on God. All I did was worry about failing Him and worrying that I was going against my Christian values. I didn't want to be a hypocrite who told people to love one another, but didn't do so herself. I think it's great that I felt convicted and believed that there needed to be a change, but putting my focus on my mistakes and failures didn't help me in any way. Instead, it made me feel so guilty and shameful. And I really don't believe that God wants me to feel this way. In this retreat, I was really reminded of the amazing grace that God has for me. No matter how many times I mess up, he's gonna cover all of that, again and again. Well that doesn't mean I should abuse it, but it gave me so much reassurance. My identity isn't found in my mistakes or my wrongdoings, but in Jesus.
The fact that I'm loved despite all the "bad" things about me, gives me faith that I DO HAVE the capacity to love ALL the people around me. Often times I give myself the excuse that I'm not superhuman and I'm allowed to make mistakes. Knowing that I'm a child of God, gives me peace. It means that I come from God and He lives in me. And because of this, I know I can conquer everything that comes my way. One last thing. Knowing that I'm a CHILD OF GOD, gives me comfort and love in so many aspects of my life. I'll always be loved, I'll always belong somewhere, someone will always be pleased with me no matter what. This is what gives me my IDENTITY. Without the knowledge that God is my Father and I'm his beloved child, I'll lose sight of who I really am.
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"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life." - Psalm 143:8 Archives
April 2020
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