"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." This was the verse that popped into my head as I was walking to church this morning. I really didn't want to go to church today. I also had to serve in Noah's Ark (my church's children ministry), which requires EXTRA energy which I didn't have.
I had had a not so good week this past week. I was feeling tired, stressed out and frustrated. Each day went by sluggishly as I tried to hold everything together. A month ago, I decided to give all my stress to God, but somehow it was all coming back to me. I felt so frustrated and disappointed with myself. Why was I back to where I was before? Why can't I seem to depend on God now? When the verse Matthew 11:28 popped into my head this morning, I just brushed it aside with not much thought. I had to lead the dancing for our church family worship this morning, and the two songs that really impacted me were "Joy" and "Everybody Everywhere". Both of the songs were really upbeat and I really wasn't up for it. But as I started worshipping, I felt this overwhelming joy and refreshment come over me. The verse of Everybody Everywhere goes like this:"From the top of my head, way way down to my toes. I can't keep it all inside, I wanna dance with all my might. " And I truly truly love the lyrics and the dance moves to this song. I knew that God was doing something wonderful. I wasn't even BOTHERED to ask for his help and his refreshment, but he gave it to me anyway. And even though I felt so tired from jumping around through two services of worship, I feel the most alive and joyful right now! Praise our God!
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Here's a drawing of Harley Quinn from Suicide Squad. I haven't even watched the movie yet. But my friend's lil bro asked me to draw it so I did. It turned out so much better than I thought it would. But I wish I could've captured her expression, I don't think I did that. To be honest, I wasn't planning to draw it seriously at first, but then it got quite fun. I drew it with just a blue ball point pen. I usually wouldn't do this, because I hate making mistakes. So, usually I would've just drawn it with a pencil and a pen. BUT there wasn't a pencil and an eraser at my seat, and I wasn't bothered to ask my colleagues.
Hello! In early 2014, around February, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. It has changed my life drastically and here are some of my thoughts and feelings during that time. I've read through some of my old diary entries to remember precisely what I felt at that time. So, one day my sister was giving my mom a neck massage. My sister felt that the place between my mom's neck and collarbone was slightly swollen and had some lumps on it. So my mom quickly made an appointment with a doctor. The doctor then told her that it could either be tuberculosis or cancer, then did some tests on her. I really really hoped that it would be tuberculosis. My grandpa and grandma had passed away because of cancer, and I didn't want that to happen to my mommy. I think after a week or so, my mom went back to the hospital to get the results. When she came back, I was on the computer and she patter me on the shoulder and told me that she was indeed diagnosed with cancer. For a moment I was so shocked. I mean, I knew there was a possibility. But it being confirmed was the worst thing I could ever hear. Knowing that there was a really big chance that my mom would die was so depressing, and nothing I've experienced before could compare to this in how much it hurt. After that, I just kept praying that the cancer wouldn't spread to other areas. I remember one time when my mom's scar from her biopsy had become infected and she had to go to the hospital. The next day, my sister and I had to bring her back from the hospital. But before we left, a nurse told my mom of the side effects of chemotherapy. It was horrible to hear all those things and imagining them happening to my precious mom. I remember feeling so dizzy and sick to the stomach. But I didn't want to make my mom worry, so I didn't say anything and held it all in. Then the nurse (who was actually really nice!) said that my mom should probably shave all her hair off, so that she wouldn't have to face the actual process of hair loss. During that time, I felt like no one (except my sister), not even my closest friends could understand what I was going through. I felt like they didn't care, and they rarely asked how my mom was. When I look back at it, i really don't blame them. What else could they have done? They've never experienced it before. I acted like nothing was wrong, but deep down I was angry with them. Fast forward to when my mom had finished her 2nd infusion of chemo. She started loosing hair. It made me feel like I was in physical pain every time I saw her like that. Fast forward again to after my mom did her 5th infusion of chemo. That day, she was extremely tired and slept like crazy. I was so scared that she would never wake up, so I checked on her a few times I think. Before/After dinner that night (I forgot), she vomited. It was so heartbreaking to hear my mama vomit. In one of my diary entries, it says "Life is like living hell right now." On top of my mom having cancer, my family was falling apart. I hated it so much. I cried out to God, "God, you're not doing anything! Please help us.... I feel like I'm talking to a wall...and honestly I don't think you'll reply. Mummy getting cancer was enough pain to last me a lifetime. WHY did you have to make it WORSE?!" Oh how mistaken I was..... My amazing and all-powerful God was moving in my life, but I just couldn't see it. In that time, the quote that really encouraged me was by Dumbledore from Harry Potter :"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light." I knew that I couldn't let all the darkness into my heart. I HAD to fill it with love and light and those things come from God. I knew that it was only through him that happiness and joy could be found again. I think it was from then on, that I started becoming more dependent on God. And as I was reading through my diary entries, I realized that the closer I got with Jesus, the more joy I had. My mom stopped having chemo after her 5th infusion and used other methods for improving her condition. She said that she doesn't know what it was that healed her, but she is slowly getting better and better. Maybe she'll live a really long life, or maybe she won't. But I know that these things can't be controlled by me or anyone for that matter. It's just life. In a way, I'm so thankful to God that my mom had cancer (I even told her that). That's because it was through what happened that I was able to get so much closer with God, the ultimate Doctor and Healer. After that, my life has been changed for the better. Not because of my circumstances, but because of God's reassuring love and comfort. I know that whatever happens I'll have God by my side, even if I can't see it at the moment. Our God never changes, he never fails, and he NEVER abandons us. If any of you are going through a similar or the same situation, just know in your heart that our God is limitless and he is awesome in every way. He will not let you go through difficult times alone. He is HERE and he is ALIVE. Just continue seeking him and allow him to sustain you. He is our wonderful and loving comforter. Whenever I imagine myself with God, I see and feel myself falling onto this large super-soft white mattress. And as my body touches the mattress and it sort of envelops me, this overwhelming peace fills my entire soul. Jesus is like that mattress in a way. He'll cover you and hold you with more love than the entire earth could offer! Psalm 23:4 says this: "Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me." Here's a song that I recently discovered, and I feel like my past self could really relate to it. It says: "And though I cannot see You And I can't explain why Such a deep, deep reassurance You've placed in my life." Hey guys! So as the new school year is starting, I just wanted to give all of us a gentle reminder on the topic of.........GOSSIPING! So let's start with a Bible verse. Ephesians 4:29 says "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
So, over the past school year, I've been struggling with gossiping about different people in my class. Our class atmosphere was kinda like that, and although I can't blame it on that, I guess I fell into it because everyone else was doing it. Slowly, as my relationship with Jesus got closer, I was convicted by the Holy Spirit that it was wrong of me to do that. Even though it's not like I'm yelling insults in someone's face, but it could potentially hurt someone. And if I call myself a Christian, that would mean that Jesus is living in my heart. And I highly doubt He would approve of my gossiping. So how can I say that I'm a follower of Christ when I'm obviously not acting like one?! Like what Ephesians 4:29 (the verse up there) says, the things that come out of our mouths should be used to encourage and build each others up! I feel like as Christians we are to model Christ. Not just like "Oh! The Bible tells us not to gossip". But it's that our whole lives can be a testament of our faith. Cause if we talk the talk then we also have to walk the walk. Like I just said, I've really struggled with it over the past school year. It was only through prayer and just constantly seeking God's help that I was able to overcome it. I really hope that all of you can take this message to heart and just remember 1 Corinthians 10:13 in times of temptation. It says "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." For me, once I overcame it, I feel like I've been able to know and grow closer to God even more I've experienced so much more freedom in Christ and He's just been so wonderful! Sometimes, this struggle does appear again, but I know that if we ask for God's help, we'll be able to endure it (as 1 Corinthians 10:13 says) and overcome it! But if you do fall, just know that God is ALWAYS there to pick you up and to pour out his amazing amazing grace onto you! He is loving and kind, and more understanding than we can ever imagine! So I haven't posted for a really long time. Coz I sorta forgot about this blog. So recentl I went on a mission trip to Cambodia with my youth group. It was amazing and God revealed so many truths to me during the trip. I was healed in so many areas and I learnt so much about my God and his sovereignty over my life. Surprisingly, even after the trip I did devotions and prayed every morning. And at work, I'd listen to Christian YouTubers talk about different topics. In these few weeks, I've been so hungry for God and his word. And at the same time I just feel so filled up by him. Over the past few months, I've really began to understand the meaning of surrendering everything to God. The good and the bad. I can't say that LIFE itself is easier, but I am able to deal with different things in a much better way when I give it to God. I just really hope that this won't stop when school starts. I really can't live without him. There's a line in a song which says "And after all this time with You by my side,
I can't imagine what it'd be like on my town! " (Where You Are by Hillsong Y&F). So today I got some of my exam papers back. And it was pretty bad.... For Math I got a D I think.... Then I started feeling super down. Like I studied super hard for it and I still got such horrible results.
When I went back home, I started crying coz I was so frustrated. But my mummy comforted me. She said there were so many things I was good at. Even though my academics stuff isn't as good as some people, I have so many good traits that will help me in my future. She told me life isn't just about grades. It's about how you treat other people and what you do to make the world better. I was the most comforted when she said she was really proud of my compassion for people and my perseverance. I love making my momma proud! I think that this is a super important message that everyone has to hear. Just coz you're not particularly good in a certain area, it doesn't mean you'll fail at life! There's so many different things to explore! One day you'll find the thing you thrive at, but until then, think positively and do your best to be the best person you can be! Yay! So my exams are finally over! To be honest, it was my least stressful exam out of all the school exams I've had these few years. I only have to take 9 exams, which is a lot less than last year. And, I only had to study for 4 subjects coz the rest were really easy. My Visual Arts exam was so chill. I just had to paint something for 3 hours then do some art criticism for 45 minutes. I spent so much time on preparing for Math though, but I guess it was worth it.
In this 1 1/2 week, I've been super relaxed. I had so much time to do what I want (like blogging, watching YouTube videos, making DIYs.....) I wish my life was always this chill. I realized that when I have so much time, I can do so much more with my life except always studying. I also realized that I haven't read a single book since the start of school coz I was THAT busy. I used to read so much! Even though it's important to study and do the best you can in school, it's shouldn't stop you from enjoying the other beautiful things in life! Anyways, remember to do the things you love in your life. That way, you'll definitely be able to appreciate life to the fullest! I love my sister so much. She's my favorite person in the whole wide world. We do everything together. We share a room, go to school together, have the same group of friends, etc. I basically share my whole life with her. We're super super close, and anyone who knows us will say the same.
Of course we argue all the time. Everyday. Sometimes I also ignore her for no particular reason, simply because I just want to. I know it's mean, but elder sisters have to keep that sense of authority. Haha. My sister is so important to me. She does everything for me. She cooks for me when my parents aren't at home, she tidies up my messy desk all the time....She's practically my slave. Okay, jokes aside, I could never live without her. I wonder what it would be like in university without her always by my side. Like after uni, we'll both have our own lives. We'll live different lives, meet different people, make different memories. It's obvious we'll always stay tight but it'll be different..... Anyways... we've still got 2 and a half years together. I'll make sure we make the most of it. I LOVE YOU KIU! So, this year, my English teacher from last year left our school. She was like the perfect teacher. She would go down to every single detail to make sure we understood everything. My English is quite good according to local school standards. So I practically don't have to put any effort into my work. But this teacher had higher expectations for me so she pushed me harder. I still hated English class though.... but I loved this teacher! She also taught history.
But now.... A new teacher replaced her. And I haven't learnt a single thing since the start of this school year. THREE MONTHS ha e gone by without me learning ANYTHING. He never gives us our assignments back and he doesn't push us at all. I understand that he's new and everything. But, we're getting ready for our DSEs and we definitely need a better teacher who can give us the corrections we need to improve. I have never been so annoyed at a teacher in my whole life. He also goes along with our class' guys' perverted jokes. Like, is that even appropriate? A teacher is as supposed to guide students to be better people..... Most of my classmates love him Coz he doesn't do anything. But I can't stand him AT ALL. Edited a few hours later... I just started revising for my English exam which is tomorrow. And I realized that teacher didn't mark any of my work. He just ticked at the bottom of each page I finished. Are you kidding me? You could at least put some effort in marking! Even I could do that! So, as you guys know, I do ballet. I did it when I was like 7 to 11 years old when I was living in Scotland.. But it wasn't like serious training. Years went by and I took many random dance classes. But then in September, I started joining the Russian Ballet School in Hong Kong. And my goodness, it's perfect! The teachers are super strict and they give me so many corrections. Over the past two months I learnt so many new things and I improved a lot! I take two classes a week (but I'm gonna change it to just one next year - read my last post to find out why!) And I seem to stay in shape even if I don't exercise outside of my ballet classes. All this lead me to want to adopt a healthier lifestyle. As everyone knows, I'm a meat-lover. Today, I decided I want to eat less meat (NOT NONE. No way!) I don't wanna get cancer, plus I need to tone my thighs and obliques. I also found a really good workout by Blogilates that can help with my developes in ballet. I can't wait to see the results! Here's the video! |
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"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life." - Psalm 143:8 Archives
April 2020
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